As the days quickly come and go, I continue to maneuver my way through the obstacles that my eating disorder recovery presents to me. As of late, my anxiety is at an all time high, self doubt runs through my veins like poison, I’m uncomfortable in my own skin/body and feel overwhelmed by my intense discomfort towards the unknown and the things I cannot control. Yet, something is noticeably different in how I’m facing and dealing with these emotional occurrences. First, I’m no longer trying to stop the ebb and flow of everyday life by resorting to the anesthetic effects of my eating disorder behaviors that I used to cope with my emotion and avoid the stressors in my life. Secondly, now instead of viewing my discomforts as bad and weak I’ve developed this new awareness by seeing and characterizing them as indicators and signs that I’m in fact healing. Yet I feel so out of control as I continue to untangle myself from my disease but why?
Every so often life throws undeniably rough situations. Fortunately though for us life also gives opportunities to increase our own happiness. Here are seven bits of knowledge that will make you a tad bit happier today and let you survive until the weekend. Continue reading
Are you still keeping secrets? Secrets will weigh you down and keep you in the cycle of being sick given that eating disorders thrive and are maintained in secrecy. This disease has often been described as an illness of secrets with extreme attitudes and beliefs. How else could you binge, purge, deny yourself food or abusively exercise your calories away without it being done in a covert manner. Continue reading
Tuesday this past week, I walked around in an all gray outfit—sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Both pieces of clothing are super comfy and when I wear them, I’m normally as happy as a clam. Today, though, I wore them together and felt anything but content or cheerful.
When I bought my favorite shirt, a turquoise short-sleeved turtleneck, I thought I looked fabulous! The first time I wore it out in public, I remember not having the same gratification as I had in the store. The second time, though, I loved it again! For the five years I’ve owned that shirt, I’ve gone from enjoying it or hating it countless times. Continue reading
This past weekend, I had the privilege of going to the Jubilee Conference in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Thousands of college students were in attendance and man, did we praise God! I trust what He saw in the hearts of many was pure elation and reverence for who He is. Continue reading
Living with an eating disorder affects not only the individual person but also those around them. I remember waking up in the morning and hearing my mum arguing with my dad about what to give me for breakfast. One persuading the other that it wasn’t enough or it was too much or that I wouldn’t like it. Little disagreements such as this soon turned into bigger arguments the deeper and darker my eating disorder got. Of course I couldn’t quite see this at the time as all I cared about was the food they were going to give me and how I could avoid eating that food. Continue reading
A quick glance at a magazine or at an underwear advertisement can show a female with a thigh gap. A thigh gap is desired and lusted over by an enormous amount of individuals. How wouldn’t want to get rid of the thighs that rub together during running, or that cause shorts to rid up?
WARNING: What follows may be triggering. An example of a thigh gap is included after the break.